baking spreee

I've been busy! As usual!! And I was just plain lazy to update my blog in a while.  :P
After getting myself a couple of new recipe books, I was too impatient to start after camp, that I started baking last night and this morning! Even though I had work ystd AND strings practice later this afternoon! All my hyper energy is gone and I'm kinda tired after all the baking. But hey, at least the orange flavoured cupcakes tastes really good!  XD  and it's zesty zing gave me that boost I needed!
And getting back to my previous post, I kinda wimped out about 'confronting my problem'. but I just wanted this small bit of happiness to last before I 'crashed and burned'.... At least by not 'confronting', I was able to find out some..interesting things from a little birdy!  :P

life is like a roller coaster...

...more so nowadays.
And relationships get complicated when there's fear of rejection involved... I don't know what he's thinking at all, does he like me back? And even if he did, will I be able to trust in him and love him back? Or will I doubt him and wonder if he truly loves me all the time?   :(
Should I just wait and see where my feelings go or should I stop this growing feelings of mine? I'm starting to care...and to think that it might be unrequited/unwanted, I feel so sad! so hurt...

this fcuked up world...

I was looking forward to the trip so much because I would be able to bond more with my friends, and hopefully gain somemore 'insights' of the world. What I learnt though, was so much full of pain and heartbreak that I can't help but get out my glass of baileys....
At least good points of the trip was when us 4 girls shopped for our own undergarments for the first time ever...with each other! hahaha! It was a really funny and nice experience. I got to make new friends BS and GX, friends of Fish.  :D
Came back and went straight to music room, I missed everybody~
But everything is still weighing heavily in my mind and heart, I can't relax...  :(

heart warming...and excitement!

I'm the type that needs to blow up once in a way to let off all steam, calm down and become normal again. It's the only way I can continue on without becoming affected too negatively, without holding a grudge onto someone forever. So when I blew up today on fb, a lot of my friends who saw the post sent me smses, msges and msn asking me if what was the matter. Through lots of support and encouragement, I was able to calm down much faster...and thank to a certain someone KTH, I was able to 'solve' my 'dilemma' which I would have normally taken a few days if I was alone. Thank you everyone, you made my heart warm again and it is only through this that I can always stop myself from being completely cynical. I love you guys~!!!

My Malaysia school study trip is finally tmrw!! or more like, this morning!! I can't wait~ I just looooove overseas study trips. It gives me the time and environment needed to reflect on my life and to form conclusions and become a better person. I learn to treasure my families again, I get to learn new things about my friends I've never known before and form new bonds. I hope that the trip will be full of fun and meaningful experiences. and of course, a learning journey!  :P   so cya folks when I come back on the 15th!  :D:D

if my life had a shape...

if my life had a shape...it would be a circle with a line across it. It's because I always try to be fair, to see both sides of the coin, and make the best & most fair decision. I tend to think too much, and end up going round and round. but the line that cuts through the circle is where i take a stand and 'finalize' things.

There's never a right decision, nor a wrong one. Because for some, the result is all that matters, while for others, its the journey that matters the most. I think that both are important. In other not to feel shame when you reach your destination, you need to walk a righteous road. But by insisting on being right and you stray from your path, it's a bit pointless don't you think?

To take into consideration all factors, together with what you believe in and what is important to you and making a decision is what defines me. People think that I'm noble to be self-sacrificing for my family, some think I'm foolish to let myself be tied down, some say I'm half hearted by not taking a side and stands in the middle, but whatever they may think of me, I honestly don't care now. Why? Because I have made my up my mind.

Whether out of neccessity, respect, obedience, symphathy, convenience, my decision has been made and I won't let anyone make me stray from my chosen path. My friends don't understand, but when they don't take an effort to after my explanations, I give up. It's just not meant to be. I move on. Me, callous? Maybe, but if you have a goal in life, you can't let yourself be tied down by every little thing.. I do try to make the important things matter though.

4 Sep
Finally!! I registered for my BTT. The earliest date I could book was November 1st! Apparently, I have to get my license within 6 months... I hope I can pass!! I'm a slow learner after all...   >.<
Plasir D'amour
Went to watch my seniors and friends performing at the Singapore Conference Hall and I was amazed by the performance. It was hard for me to understand all of it as it was said only in chinese but nevertheless, I enjoyed myself a lot wif the human voices accompanied by strings in the background to Mozart's play "Bastien and Bastienna"! How I wish to be able to go for more concerts, plays etc~ it's burning a big hole in my wallet though..  :O

5 Sep
Had my grooming workshop at school today, 4 hrs long. Kept nodding off in the first half as I was too tired! been out almost everyday of the holidays, I'm getting really tired... But at least putting on makeup part at the latter half was really interesting! I love makeup but don't know how to put on, and also, I don't like to put on.  :P   can't stand having a layer of smthg over my face...

7 Sep
Met up wif my friends at KAP Mac a 8AM to have breakfast.. Yes I know the pre-trip briefing is at 10AM but it's hard getting out of bed!  >.<   haha, but had fun catching up with them~  :P   after the briefing, i went around to look for a suitable pants and skirt for office wear for my workshop. I found a perfect piece for a total $88! luckily my parents gave me some money for it before hand, else, i'll be broke, no negative!!  O_O
went to visit my friend at his country furniture store, I fell in love~ i love wooden furnitures and not those thin ones, these are the real deal! aaah~ i'm definitely seeing the other shop at the other location. was nice being able to see him again since we are in different courses after all. and he looked cool handling the customers and driving me back to the mrt, wow!  :D

8 Sep
The photoshoot for the grooming workshop was today! We all had our hair and makeup done by the hairstylists and makeup artists and I had the luxury of feeling like a VIP for a moment~  :P  the photo taking itself wasn't as scary as I thought and in fact, they turned out quite nice..
I had the most fun though, watching my male friends getting makeup done on them!  XD  and i still think that guys look the most cool in suits!  XD
afterwards was my cca practice and everyone had to take a moment to register who I was! ahahaha~ one of the reason i only put makeup on special occasions like a party.  :P   got some positive feedback so i'm more confident in myself now~  haha. but still, au natural is best!  :D

9 Sep
Met up with CM to go watch "contagion" at cineleisure. I felt a bit bad to let him treat me to the movies but I'm glad we had fun!  :D   though I wasn't able to be hyper coz a bit under the weather... next time we go out tgt again, I'll be sure to let him enjoy himself too~  :D
After the movie though, I thought 'it's so easy for an epidemic to occur'....just the simple act of washing your hands regularly helps, i won't forget that now!

tests in the middle of holidays!! :O

1 Sep
My friend R came over today and we had a blast! He seemed nervous about being in my house haha, though I dunno why. Playing tap tap revenge 4 to playing our violin, I had sooo much fun! and honestly, I thought it a bit cute how he keep peeking around the door frames to look where I've gone to when I leave the room. hahaha
went for strings practice late noon and it was so nice being able to see my friends even in the holidays. Something that has never happened before in my previous holidays...  =.=;;
2 Sep
Had to study for my japanese advancement test which is tmrw... But nothing is going inside my head!! not only am I still burnt out from semester exams(that killed a lot of brain cells), I'm too much in a holiday mood to effectively study..
3 Sep
Rushed to school and luckily, I passed my test!!!! Sure not the greatest score but still!!! Felt a bit sad that I won't be seeing some of my classmate-friends as they've decided to hold for a while before they start their Intermediate 3...  :(  I will miss you guys~
Rushed to school after that for strings practice but still ended up taking a leisurely time for lunch. And I personally feel that for koreans, if they don't have rice or noodle, they will never feel full... I had 2 bread and I still felt so hungry!!!  :O  practice was fun and we were having finger spasm by the time we finished trying to play at the fast tempo of the song!! hahaha~
Left early with R and went to west mal to pay the school malaysia study trip. I still love going to west mall~ maybe coz I've been going there for the like...past 7 years??  O_O;;;
went home, rested a while before leaving to have dinner with my family at the Chang Korean restaurtant at...Tanglin Village, Dempsey Road(i think!!). It was delicious and I actually asked for second helping of the jellyfish dish which normally I would avoid! Guess taste buds change as one grows older... one thing for sure though, I would never like bitter food!!  XD